i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
