IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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