I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
