yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
