I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
