i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
whose parrot is this?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
