what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
