Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
