we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
