im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
