no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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