Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
