Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
