dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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