No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
