Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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