your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
honey bunches of taint.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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