Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
