The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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