Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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