So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
