He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
