Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
