woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
