Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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