did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize