Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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