I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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