covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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