I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
