he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
