I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
