sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My ass is underappreciated
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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