So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
