Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
