party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He did a backflip because drugs
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