First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
nutella sex= disaster
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
