If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
