I wannas sexs uuuuu
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
