it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
