You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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