i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
