News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
