Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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