direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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