You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
