Already got asked if we're dating
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
