They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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