You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
