so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
soo... how was my night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
