At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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