It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
