that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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