how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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