that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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