Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
