how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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