he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
