My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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