I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its not stalking. its research.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
