Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
