it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My bed smells like the plague
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