Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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