i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dick has a subreddit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
