I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
