She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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