I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
