she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
