Pants 0. Shit 1.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
