It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
