My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm both gender and math confused
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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